The following is a reaction paper I wrote in response to our Prolog reading of Difficult Conversations: taking risks, acting with integrityby LTSP Faculty member Katie Day. I think it is important because we all deal with difficult conversations and we should look and how we can be positive instruments of change.
It’s the giant elephant in the room that everyone is talking around. It happens all the time in the church and what are we doing about it? Nine times out of ten we ignore the problem because it was because difficult conversations, stress and pain would be introduced into our perfect little church system and people would get upset. None the less difficult conversations need to happen all the time in the life of the church. Difficult conversations lead to the development of healthy change in the congregation and are an important part of developing healthy congregations.
Difficult conversations push us to the edge of our comfort zone and make us enter into areas of our faith that can make us viscerally react. I know in my own experience that dealing with difficult issues and having those dialogues is not something that I look forward to, but none the less is something that is very important in the life and ministry of the church and I as a developing church leader need to become comfortable with talking about them. It is important that I learn how to structure difficult conversations because they will lead to effect means of dialog about topics and situations in the life of my congregation. We all bring something different to the conversation table and I need to be keenly aware of what items I bring to the table that may color my perception in dealing with an effective dialogue. When you meet everyone around the table of discussion it is important to also note that when the conversation is framed within the church or about faith issues that the individual may be bringing intense personal faith items to the table as well. When you discuss people’s faith systems you may just be pushing them to the brink of their comfort zones.
So the question then becomes how we structure these conversations so that we can affect change in healthy ways. It will be our job as future church leaders to instill in our congregations a culture that encompasses change. So why is change so important? Change is important because it develops a healthy congregational system; if a congregation is able to manage change then it can deal with issues that come up with reason instead of handling items in “crisis management” mode so to speak. Developing a culture for change also allows the congregation to respond to new ideas and develop appropriate action plans. These are all critical skills that are needed in order for congregations to respond faithfully to situations and thoughts that may come up that challenge the bedrock of their particular faith background.
I know for myself the past year has been one long difficult conversation, my home church recently entered into an ecumenical partnership with the Presbyterian Church across the street and we began worshiping as one congregation about a year ago. We have had the difficult conversations about worship space, building maintenance, faith and theological issues, mission differences, and what our future together is going to look like. Change is always a difficult conversation to have and often times it leaves us feeling like the chair is being pulled from under us. We as church leaders need to make sure that we structure that conversation about change to make sure that we don’t let them fall too far before we help them back up on the chair. Change is healthy, cultures of change are progressive, and difficult conversations will inevitably surround it all.